I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
