____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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