he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
