I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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