I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
