College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
