I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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