Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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