My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
