They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
