dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
