We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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