I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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