I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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