We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
