if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
