dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
