Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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