It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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