trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
