just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
