I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
