You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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