Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
