I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I died a long time ago.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
