I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
