I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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