Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize