So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
