I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
