She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
