very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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