I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Your dad touched me again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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