Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
