woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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