I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
