I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize