Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
