Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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