i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
