worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
