Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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