maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize