Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Less talking, more tequila
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
