He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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