Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
