He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
