Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
