Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize