Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
