Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize