I have demons in me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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