Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have demons in me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
