can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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