Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
