am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize