she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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