It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
