Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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