i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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