he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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