During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
