drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
