dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
