Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
