everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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