If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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