Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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