So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
