return my video game
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize