I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
