Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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