I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
