somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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