Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
