I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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