I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No subtext here. People are naked.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize