I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
they need to just BURY HIM!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
