I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
