I CAN MOONWALK!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
