I just threw up on my dentist
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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