happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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