I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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