Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
