I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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