You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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