I want to have your abortion
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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