in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
