Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
