i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
