Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
