i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
