Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
