Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
